Can you Hear me Now? Are you Listening?

No, this is not the start of a cell phone commercial, but recently, my tennis partner shouted, “It’s out,” as the ball flew over his head (meaning it will be out of bounds). I heard him but didn’t listen because it looked to me like the ball was in, and it was. Unfortunately, I still missed making the point, but it brought back memories of hearing versus listening.

When I was about eight or nine years old, my mother took me to our pediatrician because she was concerned that I had a hearing impairment. After the doctor gave me a very low-tech hearing test, he assured my mother that my hearing was fine. I had what he called a syndrome known as “mother deafness” or “selective hearing.” My hearing was fine, but listening – that’s another story.

After that doctor visit, my mother started to phrase her questions and commands differently; “Is your homework done? Did you hear me?”

“Make your bed. Did you hear me?”

“Set the table. Did you hear me?”

Eventually and begrudgingly, I caught on.

I am proud to say that as the oldest of three siblings, I’m the one that doesn’t need a hearing aid. When I mentioned this to a friend in Los Angeles a few months ago, she was surprised because sometimes I ask her to repeat what she says. But how do I politely say, “I heard you talking, but I was distracted and not listening.” That old “selective hearing” still kicks in now and then, along with a lack of focus, daydreaming, or just boredom.

Recently, I spent nearly three hours on a Zoom call with two of my former clients, who have become friends with each other and of mine. They were planning a trip to visit me at the beginning of August. Our “meeting” to arrange flights, lodging, and other logistics became a version of Abbot and Costello’s comedy routine, “Who’s on first?”

It started after we opened our Alaska Airlines app or website and got different information. That’s when the comedy began.

Friend one asked, “Are we flying out of Burbank or Los Angeles?”

Friend two said, “Either is fine. LA is a little cheaper.”

Me – “It’s only a few dollars less, and since you both live closer to Burbank and it’s a smaller airport, I suggest Burbank.”

The airport decision was more difficult since my friends kept forgetting to change airports on their flight inquiries, so none of our information matched.

Burbank Airport won after the inquiries were synced. I had my computer on “mute” and was playing solitaire! I heard but stopped listening about 45 minutes in.

When Daniel and I are sitting and having a conversation, all is well. I hear and listen, and it’s no problem. But, sometimes, when I’m upstairs, and he’s downstairs asking me a question, between his accent and the distance, I am no longer hearing or listening.

Mugsy also communicates specific requests by barking, usually when he wants to come back inside the house. Yet, when he gets locked in the pantry, he just stays inside, quietly looking out the glass door. Is barking only for coming in but not getting out? It turns out I need a dog whisperer, not a hearing aid.