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By Vicki Sternfeld-Rossi
The Times 

My Secret to Life – lowering expectations

 

Vicki Sternfeld-Rossi

Poolside innovation at cocktail time.

Many years ago, I worked for an insurance brokerage firm that spent frequent time and much money on self-improvement, time management, and general management classes and books. In Pursuit of Excellence was a "must have" book for all businesses and their employees. The book's premise was that the focus should not be on perfection but on excellence. It presented the concept of perfection as unachievable and subjective; one person's "perfect" may not be another's.

I am pragmatic, so perfection has never been a goal of mine. In fact, I don't even strive for excellence as a rule. I will never have an immaculate house, bake an excellent cake, or have a flawless garden. I have learned that lowered expectations make for a much less stressful life.

My house is tidy, but as soon as I gather up Mugsy's toys and stash them, he digs them out again and dumps them all over the place. The floors are covered in mud in the winter and dust in the summer. I have settled for a perfectly livable home that is superficially presentable and won't be condemned.

My garden is much weedier than I would like. I continue digging up weeds, greeting worms and slugs while getting annoyed and frustrated by this year's proliferation of hoverflies. They have been more than prolific this year.

Our new pergola-styled deck that Daniel built is close to perfection and most definitely excellent. Unfortunately, we had an issue with the deck furniture. The chairs I had my eyes on were ridiculously pricey, so I settled on some inexpensive resin ones. Daniel noticed that while sitting on them in hot weather, they melt. Sitting in chairs as they dissolve onto the deck is as far from excellent as one gets. We are working on an "all-weather" solution for seating.

I played tennis today, another of my imperfect pursuits. I have low expectations about my ability to win. But my losses are balanced with the fact that, good hit or miss, I burn lots of calories running after the ball-an excellent excuse for me to get to enjoy more food and wine.

Right now, we are back in Los Angeles. I have reacquainted my vocabulary with an array of perfect curse words for traffic, cars that cut me off or stop for no discernible reason and gesturing worked well against the truck that nearly hit me in the crosswalk this morning. Still, I'd lived in LA long enough to have low expectations about travel by bike, foot, or car. So, although frustrating, it's manageable.

I am fortunate to still have an amazing group of friends in Los Angeles. They threw me a birthday pool party which exceeded all expectations. The guys hung out at the table talking cars while the girls improvised a floating food barge in the pool. Women are great innovators, especially during cocktail time when bored by car talk. After dinner and lots of wine, we played a death-defying game of Giant Jenga.

Back in Los Angeles, I am constantly reminded of how much I miss my friends. Our tennis, parties, and long talks, never disappoint me. I do miss a pool in the summer.

Although not perfect, my expectations have not lowered about my home in Waitsburg. Though I will always enjoy visiting friends and family in California, there isn't enough sushi in the world to make me want to live in Los Angeles again.

 

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