The Times - Serving Waitsburg, Dayton and the Touchet Valley

The Columbia County Fair is coming up this weekend, so I've been in sales-pitch mode all week long. (In fact, I would pitch to all of you, but there are some thorny ethical issues in- volved with using my column as an advertising vehicle. Bummer.)

It feels so odd to have the fair-court season com- ing to a close so soon. Wasn't it just yesterday that I learned that, for the second time, I would be Hostess Emma, travers- ing Southeastern Wash- ington in cowboy boots and a satin sash and way too much makeup in or- der to promote my beloved little fair?

Of course, it's real- ly been more like six months, which simply boggles my mind.

People often ask if I plan to be on any other fair courts in the future. Prob- ably not - there aren't many unmounted (float- riding) royalty courts in the area, and I don't own a horse. (I don't really know how to ride one, either.) Plus, it's probably about time I got a real job, y'know?

But back to the Columbia County Fair - if you have a premium book, I would recommend flip- ping through it and seeing if there are any exhibiting categories you'd like to enter. (For those of you who have not yet ac- quired one, the Columbia County Fair premium book is available free of charge at many fine area businesses. On the cover, there is a picture of one extremely attractive girl in court clothing and a sash. I'm the person on her left.)

If you're balking be- cause you're not too keen on quilting or pickling (sadly, such unfortunate souls do exist), don't worry! There are plenty of interesting categories you could enter, such as hand-spun-and-woven home furnishings, tole painting, and something called chunk honey. The horticulturally inclined might try their hand at showing shrubs (yes, this is a real category!), "any variety" of fall-flowering rhizome, or bouquets that utilize only green material (class rules say that "no foliage is allowed"). Yes, there truly is some- thing for everyone at the Columbia County Fair.

If you would rather show an animal but don't have a pig or sheep handy, that's no problem! Bring in your pet peacock for exhibition in Division 2641. While you're at it, how about showing a Flemish Giant rabbit? (These things are the size of, say, two average-sized cats stuffed into the same bunny costume. Howev- er, please be advised that cats have their own show- ing category and gener- ally do not hop well.)

Seriously, though, you really should think about entering something. It's an enriching experience, and you might even bring home a ribbon. But oh, wait, by the time this column is edited, printed, and distributed, you will have missed the entry deadline for any item that doesn't eat, sleep, and leave little brown piles of you-know-what all over its enclosure! (Well, that and flowers.) Sorry, my bad.

But it won't be too late for you to come check out the fair, which is this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. (I can't believe it, either.) I'll be getting up bright and early on Friday to help kick off the festivities. For anyone else interested in having some opening-day fun on Friday morning, there is a free breakfast (with paid admission) from 6 to 9 a.m. And once you're there, you might as well stay and look aroundhellip;

(I swear, Mr. Graham, it wasn't a pitch. Cross my heart and hope to be discontinued, it wasn't a pitch. All right, it sounds a little pitchy, but I didn't mean it that way, honest!)

[Editor's note: That's okay Emma, we'll deduct the advertising charge from your fee.]