What I Did On Spring Break

 

April 17, 2014

I couldn't believe the fabulous deal I found for our Spring Break vacation. It was a brandspankin' new, top-rated, 3-star hotel within walking distance of Riverfront Park in downtown Spokane. And I got it for $64 a night - when the less-highly-rated joint down the street was charging twice that much, even including the AAA discount!

Mom was proud. I was pleased with my work. And the visit was going quite nicelyhellip;until I found out why such a wonderful hotel was available so cheaply.

We arrived last Wednesday and gawked at the gorgeous lobby. It was two stories high, with ornate chandeliers dangling from the vaulted ceiling. There were two fireplaces and a vase filled to the brim with complimentary candy. The computers at the work station had touchscreens, and a row of iPads lined a wall in the breakfast room.

That's when I saw the first one. I briefly glimpsed what looked like a shadow shifting across one of the lobby couches. It had been a good deal darker than the other shadows in the bright lobby. But maybe I was just sleepy from the car ride up. Traveling always makes me sleepy.

The room was very comfortable. From our window, we could see the twin spires of the Gonzaga University chapel. And the artwork on the walls - black-and-white pictures of lilies and angel's trumpet taken under a bright light so as to produce what was almost an x-ray effect - was actually tasteful.

I plopped down on the incredibly squishy bed and briefly closed my eyes.

That's when I felt a thump.

I looked around. My brother was lying still on the other bed, eyes glued to the TV. Mom was out in the parking lot moving the car out of the porte-cochere. But I knew I had felt something, and I was almost certain that it had come from under my bed.

I flipped down over the mattress. The bed didn't have legs - it was on a solid, immoveable wooden stand to save Housekeeping the trouble of cleaning underneath. So what had I felt? Was it rats? I tried not to think about that possibility. I enjoyed a relaxing evening and went to sleep having forgotten about the thump.

But the next morning, I woke up as a glinting piece of metal reflected light from the open window onto my closed eyes.

It was - I couldn't believe it - one of those metal ninja stars that get thrown around on bad cartoon action shows. And it was stuck in the wall next to my bed.

" Uhhellip; Momhellip;" I said weakly, keeping my eye on the glittering lethal weapon.

"What?" asked Mom. And in the microsecond between my statement and her response, it disappeared off the wall in a flash of black.

"Mom," I said, "I think this hotel has a ninja infestation."

She just laughed.

"No, seriously."

She just laughed louder.

"Mom, I'm not joking."

Just then, the closet exploded.

Okay, fine, so my spring break was too boring to write about and I had to embellish my experience a bit.

In reality, the closet simply burst into flames.

 

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